June 27, 2009
Overwhelmed (if that's an emotion).
Guilt--because I am the one that wanted to move so I got the ball rolling and now I am uprooting my 5 children and husband.
Mostly I feel excited. I am looking forward to being with my parents and sharing my children with them. Excited to be part of my siblings' day to day lives and their families. Excited to be going "home" again, though I know you really never can go home again. It has been 20 years since I left home. Wow.
But right now I feel overwhelmed. So much to do! It would be one thing if I could pack and get things ready to move if that is the only thing to do, but I still have to be a MOM too. That is where it gets tricky. Going to baseball games, getting kids to practice, guitar lessons, speech class, remembering to get summer reading done (kids--my reading would be heaven!), referring arguments, tending sick kids (two this past week), laundry, cooking, cleaning, getting kids to do their jobs, etc. etc.
Moving would be a lot easier if I could take time off from being a mom!
Lots to do, so what am I doing on the computer!!!
June 26, 2009
What is this miracle toy?
A very old tent camper trailer. It is amazing.
I set it up last weekend while I was home with Andy while the rest of the family went camping in a tent. I was trying to make it better for him since he didn't get to go because he was sick. (I think I get extra "mommy points" for that). Since then, it has been a great playhouse. We set up the small TV and VCR in there and if they aren't watching movies they are having dates or parties or whatever else they do. Yes, they are eating otterpops and other snacks in there and so the trailer is getting sticky. And the toys are starting to pile up in there, as well as blankets and pillows, but I don't care.
They are happy. They are safe. They are not bothering me. (not that my darling children are ever a bother. . . )
June 18, 2009
And it was. While my family was planning to go camping in Bryce Canyon with Grandma and Grandpa and some cousins, I planned to stay home--alone. Because someone has to work our business. I love camping with my family, but the alternative of staying home with the house to myself (and hopefully not having to really do too much work) almost sounded like heaven. So I agreed to send my husband camping with the children--all of them. Wow. I was impressed that he wanted to take all of them, not just the older ones. I was counting the hours until Thursday morning.
But Wednesday morning, Andy started throwing up. He seemed fine in the afternoon so I still had hope. And I had the hand sanitizer out for everyone else and made sure we were all putting it on a lot. Then shortly after Andy went to bed, he was up back in the bathroom leaning over the toilet. And again at 1:00 a.m. and 4:00 a.m. and 8:00 a.m.
He had to stay home with me. He wasn't too happy about it as you can imagine. And it made it stressful as I tried to help Scott get packed up to leave, Andy hanging on me crying and wanting lots of hugs and sympathy because he didn't get to go. And me not having patience for that.
And I wasn't too happy about it either. It was my three days for napping and sewing and reading and packing up some boxes without interruption. And sleeping at night without kids wondering into my bedroom or crying for a lost binky.
Well instead of doing any of the above, I worked on the computer completing 3 filings, or jobs, while trying to be a nice mom to a sad little boy who didn't feel well (which wasn't easy); made some brownies (only half a pan since most everyone else isn't here to help me eat them); took Andy to see Night at the Museum 2 (because he was feeling better); set up the tent trailer with him and ate dinner in it (a late dinner on account of the movie) and read books until we came in for bed. And then, I got to read! And blog.
Not the day I had planned but it turned out pretty well anyway. And hopefully I made some good memories for Andy even though he couldn't go camping. And will make some more in the next two days.
I admit it will be more comforting to not have to sleep in the house alone. Andy will keep me good company in my room--and, since he is starting out there, he won't be waking me up in the night!
I am hoping and praying that none of the other kids get sick while they are away. I told Scott about my concern with others getting sick but he didn't seem too worried.
June 15, 2009
Because some of the articulation issues are from the PWS, I did a lot of research on the internet lately about PWS. I was so excited to find a website called birthmarks.com. It has other people's stories about their PWS (and other types of birthmarks) and an online support group. I don't know anyone personally with child with a port wine stain so this is great! And as we are planning to do laser surgery beginning when he is four years old, it is nice to be able to read and learn more about it through others' experiences. And also learn about what to expect as he grows older.
June 13, 2009
June 8, 2009
June 5, 2009
12 years old today!
I still have not forgiven him for being 8 days over due! He was suppose to be a May baby. I joke that he has had a mind of his own since before birth: "Nobody can tell me when to be born."
He is a great young man with lots of drive and determination and creativity.
Happy Birthday Brennen!
June 3, 2009
Hard to believe that next school year I will only have one child home with me. I still remember well the days of three children home with me . . . and I did survive it.
Check out this link and call today for a showing!
June 1, 2009
I have only seen her four times in the last year, I think two months ago was the last time. I don't really need counseling anymore, but every once in a while I just want to talk to her. Talk things over. Sometimes about specific challenges and how to handle them, but sometimes just to "check in." It seems strange that I will never see her again. This person who helped me so much and showed me how to pull myself out of the hole of depression I was in. Who gave me encouragement and cheered me on as I progressed. Who helped me discover myself again. Who helped me learn to face my feelings instead of burying them. The person I finally opened up to and told thoughts and feelings to that no one else knew I had--sometimes that I didn't know I had. I learned so much from her--like about my thought patterns and how to change them, how to develop coping skills, how to be my own best friend, how to communicate better with my husband and others, how to be less passive, how to take care of myself and get my own needs met so I can take care of everyone else (this had to be pounded into my head over and over). It is just so hard to let go.
I called for an appointment last week because I just feel that lately I have been in a rut. I don't know if I need to adjust my medication or adjust me. I never know if the depression is getting me or if it's just me. I am not doing the things that I know I need to do to feel better. Simple things that just don't get done. The apathy that goes hand in hand with depression.
I need to use all that I learned in counseling and pull myself out of the rut -- put a book on my ipod; start journaling again; finish my quilt I started; open my scriptures; have fun with my kids while they are home this summer; exercise so I can keep up with my sister whom I challenged to run a 5K with me; do my work and take time to play. See, not so hard, really.